My experiments with Social Media Detoxing

Three weeks ago, I decided to disconnect myself from the social media site I was most addicted to. Yes, the little blue “f” icon that has taken over the world and built itself a brand that the world largely admires. Make no mistake, I admire it too, I love Facebook for the product it is, and for the brand purpose it stands for, which is Connecting the World.

In fact, I loved it so much that I was no longer a consumer to the product, I let the product consume me. One early morning 2 a.m., during one of those “Soul Searching” hours, whilst checking my phone every few minutes, a strange question popped into my mind — “What did I do before I had a phone?” and funnily enough, I decided to post that question on my timeline, with a genuine intention of trying to arrive at some answers. Some were empathetic and reminded me of the good old days when personal conversations thrived and the world was not taken over by the blue ticks. Some were sarcastic and came up with the expected “You had a life!” comment. Bleh. I knew this was coming. What do we know about one another’s life anyway? Moving on.

I did not find any relevant answers or even remotely interesting point of views. The question kept pressing me and like any good old confusion on my mind, I used my undisputed skills of overthinking and obsession to deal with it. I tried to imagine my childhood days, where devices were less in number and time was in abundance. I had always been a master procrastinator. (Yes, I am admitting this, and I have made my peace with it. I even try to use it to my advantage sometimes. More on hacks to benefit from procrastination, later). So even as a child, I always found something to keep myself busy with, something to engage my mind with. It would be safe to say I was quite lonely in my formative years and was constantly surrounded by adults whose idea of using time well was a flawless recitation of the multiples of “13”, or that poem by Frost other children found difficult to barf out. I was good at both — Numbers and Words. What I am trying to say here is, it wasn’t exactly difficult to impress the adults around me, because they set such low standards for me, and for (themselves I guess!)

So, this lonely child never really looked at academics or education as a challenge, because it came easily to me and I did not have to spend a lot of time on it. So, there was a lot of time to kill, and the adults around were not exactly the most exciting companions. I did make a few friends, but I cannot really say I had a best friend in my childhood, I just never connected so much with any other kid. So, I certainly did not spend all my time playing like many other kids my age. I found a lot of solace in books and spent a lot of time reading fiction. The village of Panchatantra and the courtroom from Birbal was far more enticing than the world of an average middle class neighbourhood. Sometimes I used to sing, sing aloud and memorize to perfection the lyrics of a difficult song, and practice it until I was satisfied I sang it right. This helped me appreciate and understand the nuances of the art and I loved the beautiful world of music it transported me into. So, I studied a little, played a little less, read a lot and sometimes sang. What else did I spend time on as a child?

I also remember spending a lot of time in front of mirror talking to myself, listening to myself and enacting a scene/ conversation that had any impact on me. In retrospect, there were two things conspiring behind the scenes. One, I was communicating with myself and becoming self-aware of who I am and what I wanted. Two, I was having all the conversations that I should have been having with others- parents/friends with myself. This is very interesting when I think about this now. This probably also explains why I felt misunderstood/confused all through my childhood. It could be because I never communicated with anyone else other than me.

When I forced myself to think about what I did when I did not have a phone, it directly triggered me into thinking about what I did that naturally brought me joy. 🙂 In other words, activities I felt happy doing and that genuinely held my interest.

When you have a lot of time in hand, you are forced to do something. Sitting on your bed scrolling through your news-feed is entirely different from sitting on your bed not doing anything. You start thinking, and your mind goes like “Ok… I am sitting. Not doing anything. I am just sitting… here… on my bed… at 7 p.m… Not doing anything. No, I don’t want to watch TV. I don’t even enjoy it… Errr… What did I do this time last week?.. I can’t remember… Which means It was something useless… How many 7 p.m.s have I wasted like this? How many 7 p.m.s do I have left? .. OK… This is scary… Phew, sitting on the bed sucks!”

This is just a fucked up overly dramatic state of mind reaction, which happens to be my usual behaviour btw, but this could be true for any one of us. Think about all those hours we spend scrolling through unnecessary information that we have no account of. That’s the scary part! We have no account of the time we lose to this habit! It’s OFF the books! Think of the limited time we have in our lives to just live, and to be happy, and how is that going to happen by sitting on the bed at 7 p.m. scrolling through your phone.

It is a very powerful feeling — The sense of time. When we realize, we are not using our time effectively, we focus on spending that time wisely in two areas, things that bring us joy and things that help us become a better version of ourselves. Thinking about my childhood helped me understand where my natural interests lie — Words, Music & Self-discovery. It was a beautiful feeling to connect with myself at such a basic level and to marry this connection with a better lifestyle.

I realized how far I was from words, I wanted to read more, write more and speak to my loved ones a lot more (in person), I realized I do not sing as often as I used to or as confidently as I used to. In fact, I had stopped singing for myself and completely forgot how much joy it brought me. Though I still try to find meaning and purpose in what I do and try to avoid things that I do not connect with, the process of self-discovery as an adult is something I never consciously thought about. I have realized I am so quick at criticizing myself and so bad at appreciating how far I have come. Self-discovery is not a fancy word, it is all about listening to yourself — your body, your mind, and your soul.

The first step was to identify things that you want to live your life doing. I had already arrived at that. The next step is to take small baby steps to consciously marry that connection with lifestyle as I mentioned earlier. It is a long way ahead, but something about taking a step back, pausing to reflect and then acting on it, gives me an inexplicable high about this whole thing.

And you know what the best part is, I don’t even miss it, any of it — Facebook, WhatsApp, Messenger. I plan to return to the world of social media but at least now I know how little this matters in my life. A month ago, if you had told me I would be off social media, I would have told you about how little you know me. That is the level of confidence I would have shown on myself. I was so wrong! It feels great to know nothing controls you and you are more than any of that. Those who miss you will call, those who miss you more will drop into your house uninvited. Yes, you will not be a part of every conversation, but you will feel less cluttered and focused with each passing day. You will do things you NEVER thought you will do, like join a Yoga class. (Yes! I have a hilarious take on this, for another day!) You will take photographs on a Polaroid camera, and hang it around fairy lights. You will try to sing like Sukhwinder Singh, and you will be a lot more honest with yourself.

You will not sit on your bed at 7 p.m. You will go make pasta just because you feel like it. You will take a walk. You will take a chance. 🙂

After all, isn’t that what life is all about?