I thought of giving this blog a fancier, lesser controversial title. I thought of not commenting at all about this issue. I asked myself who am I to comment on something that is happening so far from me on the other side of the world. I told myself that maybe there is more to all of this than what meets the eye, maybe the other half has a point. I wondered if people will look at me differently if they hear my views on this. I even doubted if I am really qualified to comment on a situation I have never really personally been through.
Today I said, fuck it. Fuck the conditioning that makes me a prisoner of my thoughts in my head, the conditioning that still makes me wary of how someone would perceive me, the invisible line that good girls do not cross, and the general numbness I have been feeling for the last few years trying to ignore that the world around us is mainly going to shit.
Today, I asked myself if I as a 31-year-old, educated, and privileged female is not going to raise my voice against one of the worst setbacks that could have happened to womenkind in decades, WHO IS?
Remember the voice that asked me who am I to have a take on this despite having a uterus, while middle-aged men across the world get to decide what to do with a woman’s body? That. That is one of the million tiny ways the world conditions little girls and little boys differently.
Now, for my thoughts…
What is happening in the United States is absolutely horrifying. It breaks my heart to think of the terror, fear, and trauma women and their families must be going through after this verdict came out. The constitution exists to protect the rights of its people, and this decision has taken away a fundamental right for a woman to choose what happens to her body and her life.
This hurts more, because we have all grown up looking up to the USA as being progressive, liberal, and a champion of women’s rights. To go so far back into such a regressive world is something that is a bit of a shock to every woman in the world. And yes, if it affects one woman, it affects all of us. I stand in solidarity with every woman fighting this, standing up for this, and raising their voice against this horrifying turn of events.
I am a woman who is not ready to have a child, and any woman who does not feel absolutely ready mentally, physically, financially, or emotionally should never be, under any circumstances forced to bear a pregnancy to term and then raise, protect and nurture a human for the next 18 years.
My grandmother got married at 15 and had seven children (maybe more, I do not know about the miscarriages which were common back then) and lived in extreme poverty for most of her life. My grandfather passed away young, after which her relatives quickly abandoned her and she had to fight heaven and hell to raise seven children on her own, as a single, uneducated parent. It is not a pretty story. It is a story full of patriarchal filth, and extreme bravery only a mother can find the strength to pull off. A story for another day.
I wish somebody had told my grandmother she had the choice to decide how many children she wanted, and I wish she had the resources to do it safely.
I had a friend who chose to abort an accidental pregnancy because she and her husband were not in a great place in their marriage, and she did not want to bring a child into an unhappy setting which sometimes included domestic violence.
I live in a country where I regularly hear about minors getting raped, and impregnated. I am sure this happens in every country including the US. Are you telling me that the state gets to decide if this minor will have to give birth to the rapist’s baby and share custody with him?
Are you telling me my friend should be forced to bring a child and share custody with a man who abuses her on a regular basis?
Are you telling me my grandmother and the struggles she faced two generations back was for nothing? Her granddaughters are living in a world that is moving backward?
Are you telling me my little cousins and our daughters will not even have the choices to make about their bodies that we had while growing up?
Some people look at abortion as a mere act of choosing to terminate a pregnancy, but it has so much nuance to this. To all of these self-righteous morons, I would like to ask—In what scenario do you think anybody is going to feel more pain through this act than the mother herself?
Abortion is never an easy decision for the woman—physically, mentally and emotionally. I have seen woman living with the trauma for months. So if a woman is “choosing” to do it voluntarily, you better believe she has good reason, and please do not flatter yourself thinking you care more about her baby than she does.
Not to mention the medical complications that sometimes leave no option other than abortion. Are you telling me that you would rather put the woman’s life in danger?
We already live in a society that stigmatizes abortion and miscarriage, this verdict just makes it thousand times more difficult for women to access safe healthcare.
It is going to turn people against one another, it is going to make you trust your neighbor less, and more than anything it is going to make the world a little more dangerous for women who already have to battle unequal societies, predators, moral trolls, and judgemental assholes every day.
Every woman has the right to decide how, when and with whom she wants to bring a child into this world. Her consent, safety, and well-being are more important than any religious or self-righteous belief one might have. This is not a decision that should be made by an elected body (where women are scarce), neither is this an issue that calls for a nation to come vote on—it’s a decision that concerns a woman, her body, and her whole life for fuck’s sake!
If history is any proof, no country in the world has done fully right by women or children, nor is the world today a great place for women to want to bring more children into this world. It should be left to the woman and that woman alone.
HER BODY. HER CHOICE.
P.S. A note to all my readers. If you are a woman, please speak up, I know you are angry, sad and you feel helpless, but the world needs to hear from more of us, or it will keep taking us for granted.
If you are a man, this is your chance to speak up against one of the most horrible things the world can do – strip away a fundamental woman’s right in broad daylight in one of the most developed countries in the world. Do not think it does not affect you or the women around you. It does. Oh, it does. You may never know it, that you definitely have a colleague, or a friend or a family member who has undergone an abortion, and has never told anyone about it. Speak up for her.
Dear Well said and I fully support your expressions.
Yes its a draconian judgement.
One of the MOST and UNDISPUTABLE relevant point you have mentioned is ”
” The jury thinks it cares more for the child than the mother herself”
and
” if the mother decides to terminate she would have valid justifiable reasons and which needs to be accepted “.
Hope more noises are made.
Thanks uncle. Yes, that’s the whole point, isn’t it? A mother knows best.