How ego drives our words
Look at our lives today! Most of it goes by in drone-like meaningless conversations about how we spent the weekend or what kind of pasta we like. If not that, then it is a deeply superficial yes, deeply superficial facade of the ego-boosting, identity-driven match between two people to prove who has a more unique personality.
Let me give you an example. I constantly run into or start conversations about how one had the magic leaves the previous day and is still able to function normally or how someone is really bad at managing their finances and hates looking at excel sheets. Full disclaimer, I say both of these sentences myself often and both of these are perfectly fine conversations and cause no harm whatsoever.
But if you take a deeper look, you will see that most of humanity’s words today revolve around their own identity and understanding of themselves. No conversation is a dialogue any more. They are all a never-ending ping-pong of who I am vs who you are. How different we are, or how similar we are.
Nothing wrong with that either, but what I am trying to point out is identity is just another form ego takes. The more connected we are to our identities and have strict beliefs about who we are, the more meaningless our conversations are.
Words: Have we lost the art of conversation?
Do we pay any attention to the words we speak anymore? Do we ask questions or are we quick to shove our points of view in the other person’s face? Do we seek to really understand or we are half-baked in our understanding full of assumptions and internalized biases?
Do we look into each other’s eyes anymore at all? Do we hold that stare as that person struggles and shuffles until they find the courage to look back at you, hold that stare, and speak only those words that are their real honest truth? : )
Scary no? Try it. It’s more addictive and exhilarating than magic leaves.
Words from strangers
It is strange but I constantly find myself having unforgettable conversations with strangers who I have met for the very first time. Sometimes that is goodbye, we never see each other again, and sometimes we keep in touch.
This blog is dedicated to some of those people, and those words I will never forget. I am a better person because of some of them. : )
1/ I was 24.
I had just resigned from a three year stint at my first job and had gotten back from my first ever solo trip. I was interviewing for the next career move when I met this one. After a 1.5-hour chat that made me uncomfortable by asking questions about myself which I had no answer to, I come back home to receive this in my inbox from this stranger I have met for the first time.
Forget about this interview. Forget about this job. Here is the link to a crowdfunding site. Get on it, and go see the world.
I was taken aback by this. I said thanks and ignored him. But I could never ignore the voice in my head till today which does not let me settle in one place. How did this person manage to speak the words I should have had the courage to speak for myself all those years ago.
Fun fact: He did hire me two years after this incident. One day he sent me an email about him building a team, and something made me yes to this person who terrified and inspired me with his truth. Being around him set me free, and it sets me free to this day. It also makes me deeply unsettled because there is no room for inauthenticity around him. He got me to do some of my most creative work and remains a dear friend to date. No more a stranger, but all of our conversations have the same impact.
2/ I was 31.
This happened yesterday. I met someone I felt I was destined to meet for some reason because he told me things that made my eyes burn and my skin tingle, made my body heavy and my soul light all at the same time.
What makes you think you are privileged? What kind of privilege is an education that conditions us, strips us off all our original thinking, and places us in an endless loop of consumption and suffering?
This conversation is special because I was in some sort of rant where I went on and on about the demons in my head—the guilt of my privilege, the anxiety that drives me insane, the voices that never let me rest. He patiently listened to all of them, the only time he refuted was when I confessed to feeling guilty about the privileges we have.
He vehemently called it bullshit, and asked me to reanalyse the situation our generation is in, and to operate from a place of deeper honesty. We are not better off than anyone.
Interesting point of view. Never thought about it like that. : )
3/ I was 12.
My family used to take these 2-day long train journeys from Chennai to Kolkata. In middle-class families, there is an unspoken rule that we get new clothes for birthdays and Diwali, and maybe Pongal if required. There was no separate thought given to what one should wear at home or during travel etc. We just wore whatever we had without a second thought, and our parents were too busy packing Murukku and Milagai podi supplies to even notice our wardrobe choices.
Spending 36 hours on a train meant connecting with your fellow travellers whether you liked them or not. Everybody starts with the kids first. It was all the usual until that wise old uncle in grey capris and a Navy Blue cotton T-shirt lovingly told me:
When you travel, you should always wear comfortable clothes. Think of your comfort first.
Now, I know what you all are thinking. She started this blog with deep thinking and magical words, and now this! But trust me, sometimes we need to hear the simplest things from others especially strangers to really internalize it and act on it. No one in my life till then had stated such a profound truth so simply and so directly and made me wonder why the hell did I not think of this before.
It’s so simple it hurts! Hey kid, be comfortable! : ) The best advice I have received to date.
That’s the beauty of connecting with strangers. It can be heavy or light. It can be deep or not. But some words can have an everlasting impact on you and end up changing your life forever.
Seek those words. Seek those conversations. Seek those connections.
These little moments of deeply connecting with someone make all the rest of our otherwise shallow lives worth it.
What sensitive thoughts which serve food for thoughts for anyone!!! Me, to be a better version of myself..thanks baby
Same here. Growth is a never-ending project and it fascinates me : )
Very interesting anecdotes. Loved it.
Thank you : )
Loved it.. I too miss such conversations. Remembered a few incidents reading through your article..
I read the first para.. And connected with it so much immediately. Then in my head I was thinking, woman, give examples and it’ll make so much more sense. And the next para you start with examples!
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Btw I remember how i was feeling so strongly after our first travel that you should just go travel, but I’d totally forgot that I sent you the couchsurfing wala link 😄
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The message of the last story felt the beautifulest
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And as always, i love the simple and authentic way of expressing your journey. 🤍