I was thinking about how relationships alter us as people. How things we go through in our past permanently chip away parts of us and sculpt us into a different version of ourselves. The lens through which we look at life changes forever and so does the way we fall in love.

An unreasonably dominating girlfriend can give you an eternal fear of being taken for granted. A cheating boyfriend can lead you to never trust someone again for a long long time. An over-ambitious partner can leave you with a belief that workaholics are not capable of being good lovers. An insecure partner can make you believe you are not good enough on your own.

Getting over someone who you imagined your entire life with can be difficult. Knowing that you have to let them go forever, can not just feel unfair, but can also make you feel completely disillusioned. Mornings will feel pointless, and even while you take comfort in the dark, you are anxious about what tomorrow morning is gonna bring. It takes many stages of anger, hurt and denial to get through. This can be active or passive, it can take years or weeks. But its a process that is natural, I guess, and is essential.

I think, by the time we recover and breathe again, we are a different version of ourselves. We have grown, we have evolved, we have faced our fears and risen above them. No doubt we are stronger and we feel lighter, having been through those rough times. I feel, there is also an invisible layer of a wall we build around ourselves. We take all that negativity that made us hurt and use that as an armor to never get hurt by the same things again. You know, like a shield that can rise up at the slightest touch of a familiar enemy. A harmless gesture, a rude word, or a sense of deja vu, any of these can trigger all those painful moments you fought so hard to leave behind. And just like that, in a flash, the person in front of you is suddenly your ex, trying to hurt you the same way all over again.

Think about it. It is difficult to be rational about touchy topics, and all of us have things we are touchy about. I think it takes a great deal of compassion for the other person to see through this, understand this armor of hurt around someone and give them time while they work through this.

Compassion. 🙂 There is no love without compassion. When you find someone with enough compassion that comes with love, I think you can work through anything, even the ghosts your past.